Somedays are just not your day in the gym and today was definitely one of those days for me. I was so excited to be back at CrossFit St. Louis and prove that I have been working hard in Cincinnati for the past five weeks. I literally just got finished telling one of my coaches that I feel like I gained a lot better mentality since I have been gone and that I was excited to train.
The workout started out fine. I did the accessory work and actually surprised myself with how well I did on it considering I haven't performed those skills in awhile. We were setting up for the workout and I was feeling alright, I knew the workout was going to suck but I totally thought I could do all of it. I had told myself I could do it and I was going to do it. (See confidence is key! One of the main things my Clinical Instructor at Children's stressed to me, something that I am going to make prevalent in my life now). The workout was every 3 minutes for 8 rounds: Run 400m, 10 box overs(24"), and one heavy clean.
We all stand at the garage door and here 3,2,1... GO and take off. I am through the first 4 rounds just fine. We get to that 5th run and my legs start feeling weird. It's like the muscles don't want to keep my legs tight so every time I step I feel weird. I fight through that round just thinking I am tired and the workout is kicking my butt. Which it was... We start the 6th round and my legs are totally going to buckle. I have to stop and walk for a bit because I am afraid I am going to fall. I get back into the gym after this lovely run and cant get my feet up to the box. BAHHH! I am so frustrated! My coach yells at me to focus and I finally give myself a second to think and get my feet back up there. I finish that round 30 seconds over the time and have to take the 7th round off because my legs aren't working.. GRR
I was so mad at myself because since I have been training at Conjugate I feel like my mentality has gotten so much better. Walking into the gym on the first day, I knew no one and no one knew me so I had to prove myself everyday. On the first workout, I was bent over resting my hands on my legs and the coach yelled at me to stop letting the workout defeat me. I don't know what it was but something clicked with me and I started approaching every workout with the mind set that I could do it and I wasn't going to let the workout defeat me.
I am not going to say I was perfect at it the entire time but I gained a lot more confidence. I tried to approach each workout whole heartedly and with an attitude that I could do it. So often I let my head get the best of me and I defeat myself before the workout even starts (especially with deadlifts...), but at Conjugate I feel like I began to conquer this because I had no other choice. Almost every day I walked out of there proud of myself because I was the one who had conquered the workout and the workout didn't defeat me.
There are plenty of excuses I could come up with as to why I couldn't finish this workout, but the only one I am going to say is the St. Louis humidity. Boy I forgot how much of a toll that takes on you and how it makes you have to look at a workout differently. It reminded me of the importance of staying hydrated, something that I wasn't as good about when working in the clinic because you get lost in time treating patients. And it also reminded me that everyday isn't going to be a good one, but you have to take the bad days and learn from them.
I learned that sometimes my body just isn't going to do what I ask it to and that's ok. I have to listen to myself and know my limits. It isn't smart for me to run that 7th 400 when my legs aren't working and I feel like I am going to pass out. I am glad my coach made me sit down and take a minute because what good is it going to do for me to kill myself. There comes a point where you push too hard and only bad things happen. I learned to drink lots water because my body needs it, especially working out in this heat. And I leaned that one workout isn't going to define you. Even though I was so excited to be back and prove to myself I was stronger mentally and physically, yesterday just wasn't my day. But I do know that I am stronger mentally and physically since my stay in Cincinnati and I am ready to prove that to myself this coming week and the coming months. I have set goals for myself and I know I am one step closer to realizing them, it will just take more than one workout to get there.
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